how does one get so lucky?

ya know, i have been pondering A LOT lately about the last 8 or so years of my life. i have realized 3 things

1. these were some of the most trying, difficult, frustrating times of my life
2. never have i realized the hand God has played in my life these last few years
3. i was one difficult little brat to deal with, and i never made it easy for my family

i have thought a lot about how i have ended up in the odd situation i am in, living with my aunt and uncle over 1,000 miles away from where my parents and 3 sisters live. why me? how did i end up here? i'd be lying if i said i had had a great relationship with my aunt and uncle, or parents for that matter. in fact i had gotten to the point where i hated living with my aunt and uncle. i was so excited to leave for college, to get out, to be my own person. well i am here to say that was the stupidest thing i have ever thought. i always thought that i was just a charity case, ya know? the girl taken in and given a good life. i was such a brat. so spoiled and i didn't even know it. i don't have any excuses for the way i treated the two best people in my life, but i think a lot of it stems from the poor communication skills i developed living with two deaf parents, a deaf sister, and a handicapped sister. doesn't leave much room for improvement there. i was also bitter about a lot.. i am actually really disappointed in the way i treated my family, but there is always the future, right?

when i was home for Christmas, i was working in the family restaurant on Christmas Eve when this really nice lady came in. she was LDS and was just talking to me about life, and we had a lot of life things in common. i was telling her a little about my situation, and what she said couldn't have been worded any better by me. she said, "well it seems to me that whatever reason you weren't able to come into the household you live in now, so you were born in your family with your birth parents, and eventually Heavenly Father brought you back to your family, your aunt and uncle. from what i can see they were suppose to be and ARE your parents." well geez lady, i don't know you, but you sure do seem to know a lot about my life... haha joke. but it was really an eyeopener. the last few months, my relationship with my parents (aunt and uncle) has grown quite a bit, and i feel like i have become super close to them. and i wouldn't trade that for the world, although it makes me quite sad i had to leave the nest, and live life on my own to figure out this simple truth. i realized how much they really do love me, i am just the biggest brat ever and make living with very, very difficult. which i think was the stem of many problems. but i couldn't love them anymore, or my adopted brothers and sisters. i couldn't ask for better influences in my life. they have all made amazing choices, chosen wonderful partners and have beautiful kids. and aubrey... i don't know what i would do without her. she is my other half, the one i can tell anything to and that i can fight with over anything and still somehow i like her. haha but i know i was given this rare opportunity for a reason- i got to see a family work and grow together, but not only did i get to see it, i got to be a part of it. such a blessing in disguise. i just can't believe it has taken me 8 years to realize this great blessing God so strategically placed into my life.

when i decided to serve a mission, a lot of my questions were about how i was going to pay for it, and how this was all going to come about. and today i have even given the thought of taking the semester of for preparing so i can work and save some extra money. but when i talked to my parents about this i was just kind of taken aback by their concern and willingness to do whatever it took to keep me in school and get a little more behind me. never in my life have i felt such love and willingness from such amazing parents. i don't know how life would be without them, i know i've complained a lot but i've also grown up as well. guess we all just have to figure things out in our own timely manner huh? i've got some studying, pondering, and praying to do but knowing i have such amazing, strong, willing people behind me just makes life that much easier to bear.

i love you guys so much and could have never asked for a more beautiful, perfect family for me to be a part of. you are the best and make life so much easier to bear!

coollege.

college. it is hard. you know, people always say it is hard, but i always figured that was an exaggeration to make me work extra hard. nope, turns out people actually tell the truth these days? but guess what makes it even harder? putting off all four finals until the monday you have to do them all. and guess who did just that? yep, you're right. me. but besides that... life has been pretty great. i know i tend to fail to see that, but i don't know if i have ever really been so happy... yet confused... at the same time. life is easy, but it is hard. how does that even happen? i have been blessed with this wonderful opprotunity to come to college, somehow landed an amazing job, got the best roommates and friends a gal could ask for making my life so easy. but yet, trying to balance all these amazing things with church and preparing for a mission? not easy. sometimes i find myself getting discouraged, and then once that starts happening, every little thing discourages me. even not going on dates. like really?? i am going on a mission in 6 months, why do i want a boyfriend? but then i start to find myself lonely, like what the heck? my life is great! i don't need some boy to march in and complicate things. its so weird how we look at life so differently every second of every day. sometimes i find myself wondering what is happening to me, where my life is going and what exactly does the Lord have in plan for me? will these things ever come to pass? will i ever get married, have kids, graduate college? but then the next day i am all, "life is great, life is good!" i have so much trust, and have this weird feeling of understanding like i know what i am preparing for is right- i am going to go on a mission, serve the Lord for 1 1/2 years, come home and someday meet that person. i see wedding annoucemnets of people my age getting married and i just realize- i can't handle that yet! everyday the Lord teaches me something new about myself, and for that i am grateful. something else really i have come to appreciate is my new found love and appreciation for my aunt and uncle. in the past our relationship has had so much contention and strife in it, and now i can talk to my aunt on the phone for half an hour or more (which NEVER EVER happened before) and i am finding myself soooo excited to finally go home for christmas this year and spend my measly 1 week with them! i actually wish it was so much more! crazy how our views on life change when we allow the Lord to change our hearts!

admist all this finals week jazz, and stress from everything wonderful life has to offer, i am so excited for this coming weekend! me and my roommates are going to temple square in salt lake city to see the lights, which i have not done in 2 years, and chlo has never seen them. so this is going to be so much fun! then i come home, work the 17 and drive home the 18 for christmas. it will be so great. i will get to finish filling out my papers with shanna and al, and i am so excited for what my future has to offer me. bring it on!

sometimes little things happen in my life, and i find myself so confused about it. like why am i thinking this way? how can this happen? i don't know.. i think sometimes the Lord puts people in our lives at certain times for certain things... sometimes it may not be for what we would hope or wish- but they are there for a reason. for that i am grateful, and i know this church is true!

The Cold Life.

Golly. This cold is KICKING MY BUTT! So,, last saturday I went to my grandma's house to see her, and she had my cousins two kids. Well the youngest one, Luckee, had a runny nose but I didn't think anything of it. Well now I have a cold. And I work everynight until next Monday. Yay. And I cannot sleep, I didn't fall asleep until about 1 am and I woke up this morning at 4:45 am. I HATE bein sick :( This also puts a damper on my everyday running.. I mean, I still run.. but not that far. Especially since my inhaler has somehow disapearred (usually my aunt takes it for "allergies") but she says she didn't which really sucks!

So... I think I may have a good chance on getting a job in Cedar, :) which I am super glad for! I am just looking at how early I can go down. Which I hope is sooner than later (I am going INSANE here! haha) Which has me resorting to many different crafts. Which basically means I am not going to have anything to do in college. So maybe I'll quilt an afghan with Aubrey.. that'll be fun right?

 

This is some stuff I have been.. you know.. making :) I love being a DIY'er!! Haha

Well.. I guess it is time for my morning run. With a cold and no inhaler. YAY!!

Bucket List

So I figured if I put this online, it will become more "official" than on the piece of paper it is written on now.. that will eventually get lost.

#1 Study abroad (either Africa or Australia)
#2 Go Skydiving
#3 Go to Disneyland
#4 Travel Europe
#5 Eat Sushi
#6 Drive across the entire U.S. (from Hollywood to New York)
#7 Kiss in the rain..
#8 Go Cliff Jumping
#9 Run everyday for 1 year (except Sundays, of course!) starting July 1, 2012
#10 Run a Ragnar
#11 Run a Marathon
#12 Go on a MASSIVE shopping spree
#13 Go to Hawaii
#14 Get in tip tip shape :) aka lose a few poundages
#15 Go Vegitarian for ONE month
#16 Be more flirtacious
#17 Win a HUGE stuffed animal at a carnival
#18 Order everything on the menu
#19 Meet someone famous (that I actually like)
#20 Go to a concert (and go backstage)
#21 Do Baptisms for the Dead in 30 different temples
#22 Get married in the Temple
#23 Get my Bachelors of Science as an RN!
#24 See a real Giraffe and Cheetah (IN AFRICA)
#25 Learn to speak another language
#26 Get kicked out of a store
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And I will add more as I think of them! :) this'll be fun! ha

I am a new person.

Oh my heavens, has it been a little while. I know I swore I would write on here once a week, but it has been pretty hectic.. to say the least.

To say I am stressed right now is an understatement. I have SOO much to do!! College is in less than TWO months! And I want to move out in less than one... but my biggest stresser of all? A JOB!!!!!!! Like, hello?! How the heck am I supposed to find a job from SIX hours away?! I can't begin to describe how bad my life will SUCK if I can't find a job- for starters I will starve! Gol, I hate stress. Not to mention the $1,000 or so extra in college bills I haven't figured out how to pay yet... Why can't I grow up, but not at the same time?? But maybe all this has been for the best? I think it will somehow work out. I have faith!

These past couple months have been really different I would say, with high school ending and becoming an adult beginning I have had to change A LOT! And I would say some of that changing was definitely not for the best.. With my job at the nursing home I have to work every other weekend (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday) which means I don't get to attend my own ward on those days seeing as how my work is 45 minutes away from home and I live in town on those weekends. Anyways, since I work those weekends it seems I have been filling my other weekends with traveling and getting away (since I work during the weekdays at my other job). This means I have attending my actual ward maybe once in the last couple months.. and I am not even sure when the last time I attended a full 3 hours of church was. To top it off I have been slacking off on prayer and scripture study- and I have felt the effects of it, for sure!

This last week I spent the week with my Aunt Shanna's family in Lava Hot Springs camping, and spending time with Aubrey and her cousins, Jordin and Tyauna. Well during this time I had lots to think about- including my slack in church attendance and even paying attention to my Heavenly Father... And watching my Aunts' family, most of whom are not active in the church and how their lives have ended up... I made a decision. IT IS TIME FOR CHANGE. 100% all around change. I realized, I am not happy- and the way I change that is to address that unhappiness and change it.

I realized, I need to pay A LOT more attention to scripture study and prayer- the Lord comes first! But I also realized mentally, and physically, I am not happy with myself. I need to change the way I think, but also my habits. I feel not only am I way to negative, but I am degrading to myself. And that ALL has to change. Starting right now- this second- I am going to become a happier, positive, and confident me. I am sick of feeling sorry for myself- somethings in life can't be changed, but I can change how I feel about myself and I can (and WILL) change my lifestyle. I want to be more confident with myself when with my friends out doing fun things, not feeling so self-conscience. I need to forget all the negative things that have happened to me in my life, and be more trusting of people. A lot of people have purposely hurt me in my life, and I realize I have had to deal with more than what I should have. But I can't let that affect me anymore! Those people that hurt me mentally, physically, and emotionally have NO control over me anymore. I am a new person.

Now, I am ready for life’s challenges. I am ready to grow up and accept what has been thrown at me, I am ready to change for the better and more than anything, I am ready to move to SUU and be with my two best friends, Abby and Liz. I am ready to change. Being happy with myself and others is a huge challenge, but BRING IT ON!

A new experience♥

Holy moses!! Life has definately been crazy this past week!

For starters, I went south to St. George for orientation at SUU and to visit some friends. And while there I just partied and relaxed (which I definitely needed!!) and last night I had a new experience- a midnight run through St. George with Liz and Elyse. It was so different to the temperature here in Snowville where it would be fairly cold that late- it felt like it was at least 60 or 65 that late, but I loved the run! It was tons of fun, thanks for coming with me Liz!!

Today I had to ride the St. George Shuttle from St. George all the way to Midvale, where Aubs and Krish picked me up. And, WOW, was that an adventure in itself!! I met some, lets say, very interesting people, and learned more about drugs and addictions in that 3 hour drive than I have heard in my whole 18 years of existence... but after that I got to attend Warp Tour with Aubs, Krish, and Ash in Salt Lake City- it was AWESOME!!

Here is a shot of us at the concert, we were in the front right side!

Warp Tour was my very first concert, if you don't count Sean Kingston last year (which wasn't really a concert, more just being stupid with my friends, since it was free). Featured bands on today's date that are well known are All Time Low and We are Kings. We only listened to about one song of We are Kings, before heading to All Time Low so we could get super close. When we got there, we squeezed our way in and got clear up to about 3rd row in the middle- it was epic!! But holy cow, it was so hott- I'm sure I sweated about 10 pounds off!! We were squished so tight and everyone was soaked in sweat (yumm...). I learned one thing though- I HATE CROWD SURFERS!! Since I am tall, each one smacked me in the head SO HARD it was horrific, in fact I got so mad I through one guy done in the middle of everyone, and he just fell in the middle of everyone, not able to get up. I may say I felt quite accomplished! :) But it got so crazy that one surfer actually kicked the girl standing right next to me so hard, that the next time I saw her, her boyfriend was trying to get her off the ground and blood was gushing from the top of her head (everyone thought it was gross, but I was SO intrigued, I definitely think I should go into ER nursing!!) She was screaming so loud, it was crazy. But for my first concert, the craziness was awesome and I loved it!! The only parts I didn't like? All the smoking, drunks, and I guess, according to Aubrey and Krisha, lots and lots of weed and Hookah. I definitely don't like that part.. but I guess I am just a good church girl!! Here is a shot of us at the concert, we were in the front right side!

But, today I got to talk to Ashley and Krisha about their life at SUU, and it made me so so so excited to go!! It is going to be one big partay!! ;) Just kidding, I will definitely take my studies seriously, because my grades need to be GREAT since I have lots and lots of competition in the nursing department! And I am graduating with my Bachelors of Science in Nursing ON TIME!!

College, parties, studies, and friends.. here I come!!

Starting over..? YES.

Holy Cow!! This is so crazy...
Well, I have been wanting to start a blog for a LONG time.. so I felt now was as good a time as any!
This past year has just flown by.. I don't know what has happened!! It feels like just yesterday I was walking  in Bear River's front doors wishing I was starting college, not having to live through tortuousness high school days. Then, in an instant I'm sitting with my best friend, Abby Doty, at SUU orientation talking about studying abroad in Africa...(how cool would that be?!) But so much has happened since then, and I have grown sooo much! A little over a year ago I wrecked my car.. (yep I'm not too great of a driver), then during my senior year of High School Soccer I tore my ACL 2nd game into the season, my family moved to Kansas, I got a job at BRVCC as a CNA, I had to decide where to go to college and how to pay for it. It is crazy how when you wish life away, it literally flies right by!

Now, this fall I start my life at Southern Utah University with the bestest friends anyone could ask for, Abbatha and Lizz! It was so crazy seeing these recent high school grads at orientation and thinking there is NO way they are old enough to be there! Being at orientation made me about 100x more excited for my new life and all the new opportunities that will be out there for me! It makes me think, maybe I can start over and make a new me.. if that makes sense?

There are so many new things I want to try, thanks to my avid running friends!! I want to run a 5k, 10k, and hopefully a half marathon someday!! I want to live a healthier, happier life where I am happier with my self and have a better self image! And something else I am DEFINITELY going to do soon with Abby and Liz; a study abroad program in which I can help in orphanages in South Africa.. How AMAZING would that be??? Definitely best experience of my life I think.... 


College has basically opened the doors for me! There are so many opportunities out there that I didn't even knew existed!!! This is my chance to start over, build a new me and have the BEST time of my life!