patience is a virtue

what has the Lord been trying to teach me lately, you might ask? patience. patience. patience. this may be because i am so impatient its kind of ridiculous, and i needed a little humbling. these past couple weeks have been so hard, yet so easy and humbling. i don't even know what to do with myself right now. so, as you know, i was suppose to be able to turn my mission papers in on february 5, but after meeting with the stake president, i had to get some other stuff done, which to get appointments and all set up took longer. so by the time the stake president got all the things he needed, it was february 15 (doesn't seem that long, but to me it was a lifetime). so i called my stake pres that night to make sure everything was situated and that we could get my papers sent in asapppp. i was beyond elated. i was so excited i couldn't even contain myself: it was finally happening!!!

buttttttt.... sometimes the Lord has a different plan. while on the phone with the stake pres, he said something that just about stopped my heart: you have to wait. WAIT?!?! WHAT??!! "there is a rule set by the church that you have to wait ONE YEAR after the date all this stuff happened." uhhhh you've got to be kidding me. that would put me at the end of octoberish. that is wayyyyyyy too long. i mean, what happened had nothing to do with anyone else: it was all me myself and i. and i had completely overcome this trial in my life. i was definitely devastated.

although i was disappointed because of this, i learned alot about myself and how much i've grown in the past few months after deciding to serve.
1. normally i would be angry with God because of this. but i wasn't, not even the least bit
2. i realized that i have complete faith and trust in the Lord. i put it all in his hands, and he will put me where he needs me WHEN he needs me there. there is this quote by Pres. Howard W. Hunter that says, "If our lives and faith are centered on Jesus Christ and His restored gospel nothing can ever go permanently wrong." i truly understand this now. with my faith in Christ and this gospel, and living the right way. nothing will go permanently wrong. it will ALL work out in the end.
3. God's plan for us is always more important than our plan for ourselves. we just have to listen to Him, follow his footsteps, and He will guide us where he needs us.

yesterday in church our stake relief society pres shared a quote by someone who i do not know, but he said,"God has let the Sisters of the church loose on the world." true that. true that. i know this church is true, i know Christ atoned for our sins, i know that God has a plan for me, even though i don't quite understand it yet. i am excited to go on my mission later this year, for thats when the Lord needs me.

much love, castalia

my beautiful roommmmates.

it is so crazy to think that less than four months ago, i was sitting in  my little apartment living room with my four  best friends listening to a Prophet of God tell us I could serve my mission at 19. i haven't felt that much joy in a long, long time. my choice to serve this mission has been thee easiest decision, hands down, that i've ever made. but it has also been one of the most difficult. there is so much going on in my life right now with a great job, school, family, and of course my friends. it is so hard to leave everything behind for a year and a half, but i know in the end the blessings will far outweigh whatever else i had imagined. filling out my mission papers has been a long time coming i feel like.. haha. i just got my wisdom teeth out yesterday morning and i feel like a swollen chipmunk. nbd. but now, everything  is officially done. all i have to do is get my last hep a shot in may. so as soon as i get back to cedar, i'm getting my interview with the stake pres set up and then my papers can be turned in on february 5th. SO EXCITING!

speaking of mission papers, my best friend KYNA ANN HAFEN has gotten her call and gets to open it tonight. am i stoked? i think that is an understatement. i am definitely so sad i can't be there, but abbs should be skyping me so i can see the magic unfold. i am so, so, so, so excited for kenny. i know no matter where she goes, she will be blessing so many lives with her beautiful spirit and amazingly strong testimony. she has such faith in the Savior, and his plan for us- and kyn you have no idea how much i look up to you, and how much you make me want to change for the better! your undeniable love for everyone around you, and your willingness to find the good, not the bad in them is such an admirable quality. i love ya girly.

more exciting news??? abbs gets to turn hers in as soon as she gets her interview- how freakin awesome right??? she is gonna be awesome too- i couldn't ask for a better best friend/ roommate... even though i wasn't 100% sure she was my roommate yesterday ;) haha love ya abbs. you are such an example to me and show me how a true disciple of Christ lives. you are the bestest. you are always willing to be there to listen to me complain about life, even though i have a pretty awesome one. you always give great advice and know when to kick me in the rear to get me back in shape. even though you are sometimes a blonde, i still love ya ;) haha joke. you are so so so so smart and don't you ever forget that!

how lucky am i to have 2  other roommates of mine planning on serving missions as well? such great examples they are! i just can't describe how much i honestly love them.\

so i am gonna follow abbys little example and write a little something on my other roommates, thanks for the idea abbatha :) haha

chlo- oh my goodness almighty. as we always say, it was a good thing we didnt meet till college... or we would both probably weigh 400 pounds, and i doubt we would have made it to college. haha but chlo- you are such an amazing person, and you have such an amazing spirit. i know you don't always see it, but the rest of us see it every second, of every day. you have such a fire in you that is always burning, and you are so driven. when you want something, you get'er done. don't you EVER, EVER let anyone take that away from you. you have such a dedication about you, and when you become friends with someone, you give it your all- and i love that so much about you. you are such a beautiful person, inside, out, above, down, around, you name it. haha. there are so many things you deserve in this life, and i know you haven't been given the chance to experience alot of them head on and in a way you would like too, but just remember our savior is mindful of you and one day, you are going to have all that and SO much more. just remember all of your roommates love you more than you could ever imagine, and i know your family does too. just be patient, and someday it will all work out. (you and kenz just have to wait till we get back from our missions... sorry gals :))

kenz- well jeez louise you sunshine ball of all else. haha i think the drugs are startin to kick in? but kenz. you are such an amazing girl. when you want something, you let nothing and i mean NOTHING get in your way. and i think that is such an admirable quality. you have worked so hard for everything you've gotten, i know you don't always feel that way, but you have put so much work everything you do and i have no clue how you do it, and still come out on top! you are one smart cookie ;) but kenz, thanks for helping me realize when i want something, it is never too far out of my reach and with a little determination and hard work, i can get there. i just have to believe and be willing to put the work in. you are such a beautiful young women, and you are always so willing to serve others. you give so much, work so hard, and sometimes get so little in return. but i know in the future you are going to achieve all your dreams and get everything you deserve. (but again, you have to wait to get married till we are all back from the missions. haha)

layna- i know you've only been our roommate for a couple weeks, but i love you all the more already. you are such a nice gal and so willing to share and give of yourself. you such an open book, and i think that is so awesome. i know i am going to get to know you so much more this semester,and i am gonna learn to love ya even more. (even tho you buy fattening food and make me want to eat it. all.) :)

thanks girls, for all you do. it is so crazy that in five months of college i have gotten more friends, and the BESTEST friends than i have ever had in my entire life. the lord is truly mindful. much love.

how does one get so lucky?

ya know, i have been pondering A LOT lately about the last 8 or so years of my life. i have realized 3 things

1. these were some of the most trying, difficult, frustrating times of my life
2. never have i realized the hand God has played in my life these last few years
3. i was one difficult little brat to deal with, and i never made it easy for my family

i have thought a lot about how i have ended up in the odd situation i am in, living with my aunt and uncle over 1,000 miles away from where my parents and 3 sisters live. why me? how did i end up here? i'd be lying if i said i had had a great relationship with my aunt and uncle, or parents for that matter. in fact i had gotten to the point where i hated living with my aunt and uncle. i was so excited to leave for college, to get out, to be my own person. well i am here to say that was the stupidest thing i have ever thought. i always thought that i was just a charity case, ya know? the girl taken in and given a good life. i was such a brat. so spoiled and i didn't even know it. i don't have any excuses for the way i treated the two best people in my life, but i think a lot of it stems from the poor communication skills i developed living with two deaf parents, a deaf sister, and a handicapped sister. doesn't leave much room for improvement there. i was also bitter about a lot.. i am actually really disappointed in the way i treated my family, but there is always the future, right?

when i was home for Christmas, i was working in the family restaurant on Christmas Eve when this really nice lady came in. she was LDS and was just talking to me about life, and we had a lot of life things in common. i was telling her a little about my situation, and what she said couldn't have been worded any better by me. she said, "well it seems to me that whatever reason you weren't able to come into the household you live in now, so you were born in your family with your birth parents, and eventually Heavenly Father brought you back to your family, your aunt and uncle. from what i can see they were suppose to be and ARE your parents." well geez lady, i don't know you, but you sure do seem to know a lot about my life... haha joke. but it was really an eyeopener. the last few months, my relationship with my parents (aunt and uncle) has grown quite a bit, and i feel like i have become super close to them. and i wouldn't trade that for the world, although it makes me quite sad i had to leave the nest, and live life on my own to figure out this simple truth. i realized how much they really do love me, i am just the biggest brat ever and make living with very, very difficult. which i think was the stem of many problems. but i couldn't love them anymore, or my adopted brothers and sisters. i couldn't ask for better influences in my life. they have all made amazing choices, chosen wonderful partners and have beautiful kids. and aubrey... i don't know what i would do without her. she is my other half, the one i can tell anything to and that i can fight with over anything and still somehow i like her. haha but i know i was given this rare opportunity for a reason- i got to see a family work and grow together, but not only did i get to see it, i got to be a part of it. such a blessing in disguise. i just can't believe it has taken me 8 years to realize this great blessing God so strategically placed into my life.

when i decided to serve a mission, a lot of my questions were about how i was going to pay for it, and how this was all going to come about. and today i have even given the thought of taking the semester of for preparing so i can work and save some extra money. but when i talked to my parents about this i was just kind of taken aback by their concern and willingness to do whatever it took to keep me in school and get a little more behind me. never in my life have i felt such love and willingness from such amazing parents. i don't know how life would be without them, i know i've complained a lot but i've also grown up as well. guess we all just have to figure things out in our own timely manner huh? i've got some studying, pondering, and praying to do but knowing i have such amazing, strong, willing people behind me just makes life that much easier to bear.

i love you guys so much and could have never asked for a more beautiful, perfect family for me to be a part of. you are the best and make life so much easier to bear!

coollege.

college. it is hard. you know, people always say it is hard, but i always figured that was an exaggeration to make me work extra hard. nope, turns out people actually tell the truth these days? but guess what makes it even harder? putting off all four finals until the monday you have to do them all. and guess who did just that? yep, you're right. me. but besides that... life has been pretty great. i know i tend to fail to see that, but i don't know if i have ever really been so happy... yet confused... at the same time. life is easy, but it is hard. how does that even happen? i have been blessed with this wonderful opprotunity to come to college, somehow landed an amazing job, got the best roommates and friends a gal could ask for making my life so easy. but yet, trying to balance all these amazing things with church and preparing for a mission? not easy. sometimes i find myself getting discouraged, and then once that starts happening, every little thing discourages me. even not going on dates. like really?? i am going on a mission in 6 months, why do i want a boyfriend? but then i start to find myself lonely, like what the heck? my life is great! i don't need some boy to march in and complicate things. its so weird how we look at life so differently every second of every day. sometimes i find myself wondering what is happening to me, where my life is going and what exactly does the Lord have in plan for me? will these things ever come to pass? will i ever get married, have kids, graduate college? but then the next day i am all, "life is great, life is good!" i have so much trust, and have this weird feeling of understanding like i know what i am preparing for is right- i am going to go on a mission, serve the Lord for 1 1/2 years, come home and someday meet that person. i see wedding annoucemnets of people my age getting married and i just realize- i can't handle that yet! everyday the Lord teaches me something new about myself, and for that i am grateful. something else really i have come to appreciate is my new found love and appreciation for my aunt and uncle. in the past our relationship has had so much contention and strife in it, and now i can talk to my aunt on the phone for half an hour or more (which NEVER EVER happened before) and i am finding myself soooo excited to finally go home for christmas this year and spend my measly 1 week with them! i actually wish it was so much more! crazy how our views on life change when we allow the Lord to change our hearts!

admist all this finals week jazz, and stress from everything wonderful life has to offer, i am so excited for this coming weekend! me and my roommates are going to temple square in salt lake city to see the lights, which i have not done in 2 years, and chlo has never seen them. so this is going to be so much fun! then i come home, work the 17 and drive home the 18 for christmas. it will be so great. i will get to finish filling out my papers with shanna and al, and i am so excited for what my future has to offer me. bring it on!

sometimes little things happen in my life, and i find myself so confused about it. like why am i thinking this way? how can this happen? i don't know.. i think sometimes the Lord puts people in our lives at certain times for certain things... sometimes it may not be for what we would hope or wish- but they are there for a reason. for that i am grateful, and i know this church is true!

The Cold Life.

Golly. This cold is KICKING MY BUTT! So,, last saturday I went to my grandma's house to see her, and she had my cousins two kids. Well the youngest one, Luckee, had a runny nose but I didn't think anything of it. Well now I have a cold. And I work everynight until next Monday. Yay. And I cannot sleep, I didn't fall asleep until about 1 am and I woke up this morning at 4:45 am. I HATE bein sick :( This also puts a damper on my everyday running.. I mean, I still run.. but not that far. Especially since my inhaler has somehow disapearred (usually my aunt takes it for "allergies") but she says she didn't which really sucks!

So... I think I may have a good chance on getting a job in Cedar, :) which I am super glad for! I am just looking at how early I can go down. Which I hope is sooner than later (I am going INSANE here! haha) Which has me resorting to many different crafts. Which basically means I am not going to have anything to do in college. So maybe I'll quilt an afghan with Aubrey.. that'll be fun right?

 

This is some stuff I have been.. you know.. making :) I love being a DIY'er!! Haha

Well.. I guess it is time for my morning run. With a cold and no inhaler. YAY!!

Bucket List

So I figured if I put this online, it will become more "official" than on the piece of paper it is written on now.. that will eventually get lost.

#1 Study abroad (either Africa or Australia)
#2 Go Skydiving
#3 Go to Disneyland
#4 Travel Europe
#5 Eat Sushi
#6 Drive across the entire U.S. (from Hollywood to New York)
#7 Kiss in the rain..
#8 Go Cliff Jumping
#9 Run everyday for 1 year (except Sundays, of course!) starting July 1, 2012
#10 Run a Ragnar
#11 Run a Marathon
#12 Go on a MASSIVE shopping spree
#13 Go to Hawaii
#14 Get in tip tip shape :) aka lose a few poundages
#15 Go Vegitarian for ONE month
#16 Be more flirtacious
#17 Win a HUGE stuffed animal at a carnival
#18 Order everything on the menu
#19 Meet someone famous (that I actually like)
#20 Go to a concert (and go backstage)
#21 Do Baptisms for the Dead in 30 different temples
#22 Get married in the Temple
#23 Get my Bachelors of Science as an RN!
#24 See a real Giraffe and Cheetah (IN AFRICA)
#25 Learn to speak another language
#26 Get kicked out of a store
###################################

And I will add more as I think of them! :) this'll be fun! ha

I am a new person.

Oh my heavens, has it been a little while. I know I swore I would write on here once a week, but it has been pretty hectic.. to say the least.

To say I am stressed right now is an understatement. I have SOO much to do!! College is in less than TWO months! And I want to move out in less than one... but my biggest stresser of all? A JOB!!!!!!! Like, hello?! How the heck am I supposed to find a job from SIX hours away?! I can't begin to describe how bad my life will SUCK if I can't find a job- for starters I will starve! Gol, I hate stress. Not to mention the $1,000 or so extra in college bills I haven't figured out how to pay yet... Why can't I grow up, but not at the same time?? But maybe all this has been for the best? I think it will somehow work out. I have faith!

These past couple months have been really different I would say, with high school ending and becoming an adult beginning I have had to change A LOT! And I would say some of that changing was definitely not for the best.. With my job at the nursing home I have to work every other weekend (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday) which means I don't get to attend my own ward on those days seeing as how my work is 45 minutes away from home and I live in town on those weekends. Anyways, since I work those weekends it seems I have been filling my other weekends with traveling and getting away (since I work during the weekdays at my other job). This means I have attending my actual ward maybe once in the last couple months.. and I am not even sure when the last time I attended a full 3 hours of church was. To top it off I have been slacking off on prayer and scripture study- and I have felt the effects of it, for sure!

This last week I spent the week with my Aunt Shanna's family in Lava Hot Springs camping, and spending time with Aubrey and her cousins, Jordin and Tyauna. Well during this time I had lots to think about- including my slack in church attendance and even paying attention to my Heavenly Father... And watching my Aunts' family, most of whom are not active in the church and how their lives have ended up... I made a decision. IT IS TIME FOR CHANGE. 100% all around change. I realized, I am not happy- and the way I change that is to address that unhappiness and change it.

I realized, I need to pay A LOT more attention to scripture study and prayer- the Lord comes first! But I also realized mentally, and physically, I am not happy with myself. I need to change the way I think, but also my habits. I feel not only am I way to negative, but I am degrading to myself. And that ALL has to change. Starting right now- this second- I am going to become a happier, positive, and confident me. I am sick of feeling sorry for myself- somethings in life can't be changed, but I can change how I feel about myself and I can (and WILL) change my lifestyle. I want to be more confident with myself when with my friends out doing fun things, not feeling so self-conscience. I need to forget all the negative things that have happened to me in my life, and be more trusting of people. A lot of people have purposely hurt me in my life, and I realize I have had to deal with more than what I should have. But I can't let that affect me anymore! Those people that hurt me mentally, physically, and emotionally have NO control over me anymore. I am a new person.

Now, I am ready for life’s challenges. I am ready to grow up and accept what has been thrown at me, I am ready to change for the better and more than anything, I am ready to move to SUU and be with my two best friends, Abby and Liz. I am ready to change. Being happy with myself and others is a huge challenge, but BRING IT ON!